The Ultimate Guide to Romance Scams
Learn what romance scams are, how they work, and how AI is making them more difficult to spot.
Andrew Dreis
March 2026
Hi, I'm Andrew Dreis, Chief Strategy Officer of CyberJustice Law Group. At CJLG, we represent hundreds of victims of crypto and romance scams every year. My mission, and that of our firm, is to educate victims on what they've experienced so they can find the representation they need and avoid being scammed again. I hope you find this guide instructive, informative and affirming that you are not alone in this fight.
What are romance scams?
Romance scams are a form of financial fraud where a criminal uses the illusion of a romantic relationship to manipulate the victim into sending money, providing personal information, or laundering funds. The scammer adopts a fake online identity to gain a victim’s affection and trust, then escalates the relationship until the target willingly engages in the scam.
Romance scam operations range from individual perpetrators to industrial-scale compounds run by organized criminal syndicates. These groups operate like businesses, using tested scripts and shift workers to maintain 24/7 contact, maintaining the illusion of a devoted partner.
Scammers often target the psychologically vulnerable, such as widowed, disabled, chronically ill, or elderly individuals. That being said, anyone can fall victim to a romance scam, and often do. The AARP reports adults 50-64 are targeted at more than double the rate of those over 65.
Perhaps most alarmingly, these scams are spreading at an extraordinary rate. The FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center received 17,910 romance scam reports in 2024, totaling $672 million in losses. In just the first 9 months of 2025, consumers reported $1.16 billion in losses to romance scams to the FTC Consumer Sentinel Network.
How do romance scams work?
Many romance scams follow a similar pattern: scammers foster connection, trust, isolation, and then introduce a crisis that requires money. Some scammers ask within days. Many wait weeks. Sometimes relationships last years.
No matter how long the scam persists, here are the steps they often follow:
- Contact: The scammer reaches out on a dating app, social media, or via a “wrong number” text. They often claim to be successful, attractive, and temporarily abroad or out of the area. This pattern is partially why military romance scams are so common. It provides a very good excuse for being out of the country and unable to meet in person.
- Connection (Love Bombing): Love bombing is a form of psychological manipulation that creates the illusion of instant connection. Perpetrators flood victims with attention, compliments, and promises of a shared future. Scammers may be in contact first thing in the morning, all day, and right until bed time.
- Trust: Throughout the duration of the scam, scammers build credibility with stolen or AI-generated photos, videos, and life updates. Romance scammers may even impersonate celebrities or other public figures whose life stories and likenesses are easily replicable.
- Isolation: Victims are often slowly isolated from friends and family through demands for secrecy or claims that others “wouldn’t understand” the romantic connection. This ensures victims have no one to reality-check their assumptions. By the time family and friends do discover the scam, fund transfers may have already been executed, or the victim is so deep in the fake relationship they refuse to believe they’re being lied to.
- First Ask: The scammers will often ask for money to solve a problem—a medical emergency, a frozen bank account, or a plane ticket to visit the victim. The amount is often small enough to seem manageable while the situation requires immediate action. This may seem like the final step of the process, but it is usually the first of many extortions.
- Escalation: If the victim pays, another crisis emerges, requiring larger sums to solve. If the victim hesitates, the scammer may switch manipulation tactics from love to anger, guilt, or threats. Now the victim finds themself with a very difficult choice: abandon their deep connection in a time of need, or help them just one more time. Each time the victim says yes, the relationship deepens, and it becomes more difficult to say no once and for all.
- Exit: When the victim empties their accounts or stops paying, the scammer disappears. The relationship sometimes ends within days or weeks, other times they last much longer. In some cases, scammers may reappear as a recovery agent claiming they can help retrieve lost assets for a fee. This is the final twist of the knife. Many victims will pay multiple recovery scammers in an attempt to get their money back before giving up or finding a legitimate attorney.
⚠️ Anyone who contacts you via direct message, asks for payment in cryptocurrency, or guarantees results is a recovery scammer.
What are the top 5 most common romance scams?
Romance scams often progress along a recognizable timeline, but they take on many different forms. Here are a few of the most common types of romance scams:
- Military romance scams: Scammers post dating profiles claiming to be “deployed.” This is especially effective because they can assert their location is “classified,” that they’re unable to video chat and that they need fees for leave, food, medical care, or packages. According to the FTC, military deployment is the most common cover story for romance scammers.
- Emergency or medical crisis: This scam type leverages a strong sense of urgency, citing a sudden surgery, accident, or sick relative as the reason for a request for fast money.
- Travel and document fees: Victims may be asked to provide plane tickets, visas, customs fees, or “release fees” to finally meet their scammer. Each time the victim sends funds, another roadblock to the travel arrangements appears.
- Crypto investment romance fraud (pig butchering): The relationship pivots towards investment in a fake crypto trading platform. These scams are highly organized and well known for their use of long-term manipulation tactics. If this matches your story, see our Pig Butchering Scam Recovery Guide.
- Facebook, WhatsApp, and Instagram dating scams: Accounts using fake or AI-generated photos lure victims before moving them to encrypted messaging platforms where there is no oversight from content moderators. The account may disappear once the victim sends money or asks basic verification questions. Victims may remain vigilant on online dating apps, but according to the FTC, half of people who reported losses to a romance scam in 2023 said it started on social media, not a dating site.
What are common romance scammer phrases and scripts?
Romance scams have become increasingly sophisticated and harder to spot. Armed with AI photos and advanced translation tools, scammers are more able than ever to evade detection. From 2019 to 2021, difficult-to-trace crypto payments to romance scammers grew 25x, further hampering efforts to identify perpetrators.
One of the few reliable tools remaining to scam victims is the ability to spot criminals through the speech patterns they use, and to understand the manipulation tactics at their root. The exact wording changes from scam to scam, but the general phrases and intent are shockingly consistent:
| What they might say | What they want | What it usually leads to |
|---|---|---|
| “You’re my soulmate.” “I’ve never felt this before.” | To build fast intimacy | Commitment without verification |
| “Please help today.” “I can’t talk long.” | To create urgency | Empathy overriding risk assessment |
| “Keep this between us.” “Don’t tell anyone.” | To isolate from friends and family | A lack of feedback from trusted confidants |
| “If you loved me, you would help.” | To instill guilt | Ignoring your gut |
| “It’s just a small favor.” “I’ll pay you back.” | To downplay the financial aspect | First payment, then escalation |
| “My camera is broken.” “Security rules.” | To block verification | No in person or video meet up |
| “Customs is holding my package.” “My bank is frozen.” | To keep you engaged | More excuses and repeated asks |
How has AI changed romance scams in 2026?
Artificial intelligence has fundamentally altered the romance scam landscape. In the past, scammers were limited by language barriers, time zones, and the difficulty of maintaining a fake persona over video or through stolen photos. Today, generative and agentic AI allows criminal syndicates to automate and perfect every aspect of the fraud.
Scammers now use AI to generate “perfect” faces for profiles, clone voices for phone calls, and even create deepfake video feeds that can smile, nod, and react in real-time.
Scammers aren’t just using this technology to create fake personas either. AI allows scammers to operate far more efficiently using agents to run multiple chats autonomously on the same device.
Scammers are deploying AI at an astounding rate. According to Chainalysis, Huione Guarantee, a scam technology and service provider, saw a 1,900% compound annual growth rate in AI services from 2021 to 2024. This was by far their largest growth vertical.
Romance Scams: Then vs. Now
How do you know if you’re chatting with a scammer?
Similar to spotting scammer phrases, scammer behaviors can also be a strong signal of foul play. Use this checklist to guide you through the process of recognizing a romance scam:
- Have you not met in person, but they are asking for money, gift cards, or crypto? That is a romance scam in almost every case.
- Do they avoid a live video call, or make excuses every time you ask? Expect excuses such as “bad service,” “camera broken,” or “security rules.”
- Did they move you off the original platform where you met quickly? Moving to WhatsApp, Telegram or other encrypted messaging apps makes reporting and enforcement harder.
- Do they push secrecy or isolate you from friends and family? “Don’t tell anyone” is a major red flag.
- Do they guilt you, threaten to leave, or become angry when you ask basic questions? A quick shift in attitude is a signal of manipulation, not anything you did to deserve it.
- Do details change when you ask for specifics? Inconsistency is common when the identity is fake, the account is shared, or you’re actually chatting with multiple individuals.
What are the biggest romance scam red flags?
These red flags show up consistently across online dating scams They are especially meaningful when you see more than one at the same time.
Romance Scam Red Flags
What is a military romance scam?
Military romance scams are a specific type of dating fraud where perpetrators pose as active-duty service members, contractors, or peacekeepers deployed overseas. It is the most common form of romance scam.
This scam is particularly effective because the image of an embattled soldier overseas works on multiple psychological fronts. Victims may be drawn in by the sacrifice the uniform represents, or the mythos of the American warrior.
This dynamic lends the scammer instant credibility, and the deployment provides a perfect excuse for why they cannot meet in person or video chat. The scammers may insist their location is classified and that they don’t know when they’ll be coming home.
The ask for money is usually related to problems exclusive to military service members. Scammers will say they need money for leave paperwork, food, medical care, or to ship a package home. In truth, all of these services are provided for by the U.S. military, and there is no circumstance in which a service member would need financial assistance for their activities while overseas.
❗ The U.S. military does not charge service members — or their families — for leave, food, medical care, or shipping. These services are provided at no cost.
There is no circumstance in which an active-duty service member would need a romantic partner to send money for their activities overseas. If someone in uniform asks you for money, it is a scam.
These scams start like most romance scams, over social media or dating apps, often using stolen or AI-generated images of soldiers.
What do I do if I’ve been romance scammed?
Start with safety and evidence, then move to reporting steps.
- Stop sending money and stop sharing personal information. Information is the scammer’s ammunition. The more of it they have, the more damage they can do-their manipulative tactics depend on it. As long as you continue to engage, they will assure you that one last payment will be the key to you finally seeing one another. This is never the case.
- Preserve evidence before it disappears. Screenshot the profile, usernames, phone numbers, emails, and the full message history. If crypto was involved, save transaction hashes, wallet IDs, and any other information related to the transfers you’ve already made.
- Write a short timeline. When you met, how the relationship escalated, when the first ask happened, which platforms you used, and when you learned you were being scammed are all important for recovery.
- Contact the payment provider quickly. Speed matters for wires, gift cards, and some payment apps. If any payments are still processing, there may be time to halt the payment. Fraud departments at your bank may flag large transactions, or recurring suspicious activity. Listen to them, and trust they have your best interests at heart, no matter how difficult it may be to imagine you’ve been scammed.
- Expect a follow-up scam. Many victims are targeted again by “recovery” scammers after the first attack. Anyone direct messaging you to offer help, asking for crypto as payment, or guaranteeing fast results is a scammer. The only people who can help are licensed attorneys with crypto tracing expertise.
If you do choose to speak with an attorney, be sure and check their bar licenses, LinkedIn, case history, and request a free video consultation. Never hire an attorney without speaking with a real person face to face on a secure video platform like Zoom or Google Meet.
If you would like to speak with the team at CyberJustice Law Group, submit an inquiry form here. All of the information about our firm listed above is publicly available.
How do you report a romance scam?
If you need to report a romance scammer, focus on speed and completeness. Your goal is to preserve identifiers before the account disappears. Report any suspicious activity to:
- The platform where you met them (dating app, Facebook, Instagram)
- The messaging app the conversation moved to-if this was the case (WhatsApp, Telegram)
- Your bank or payment provider (card issuer, wire service, payment app, crypto exchange)
- FTC at
ReportFraud.ftc.gov - FBI IC3 at
ic3.gov - AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline at (877) 908-3360
Be sure and include:
- Profile links, usernames, handles, and display names
- Phone numbers, emails, and any “service agent” or “command” contacts
- Screenshots of key messages, especially money requests and threats
- Payment receipts, gift card numbers, wire details, and confirmations
- For crypto: wallet addresses and transaction hashes
Romance scam FAQ
- If you have never met this person in real life but they are already professing deep love or asking for financial help, you are almost certainly being scammed. A legitimate partner will never ask you to send cryptocurrency, buy gift cards, or wire money to solve a personal crisis, especially early in a relationship. Scammers also move relationships exceptionally fast, often calling you their "soulmate" or "future wife/husband" within days or weeks of meeting. They will consistently have excuses for why they cannot meet in person or even video chat, citing bad connections, security rules, or sudden travel. Another major red flag is if they try to isolate you from friends and family by demanding secrecy or claiming others "wouldn't understand" your unique bond. If your gut tells you something feels off or too good to be true, listen to it and stop all contact immediately.
- Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by scammers to gain your trust and affection as quickly as possible. They will flood you with excessive compliments, constant messages, and grand declarations of love before you have even truly gotten to know each other. The goal is to overwhelm your critical thinking and make you feel special, validated, and deeply connected to them. This intense attention releases dopamine in the brain, creating a powerful emotional high that feels like "fate" or "destiny." Once you are emotionally hooked, the scammer will begin to withdraw that attention or use it as leverage to get what they really want: your money. In romance scams, love bombing is the setup phase that makes the eventual financial request seem like a natural part of a committed relationship.
- There is no set timeline, but most scammers wait until they feel they have successfully hooked you emotionally. Some may ask within a few days if they sense you are vulnerable or trusting, using a "small favor" to test your willingness to pay. Others play a much longer game, building a relationship over months or even years to establish deep trust before introducing a major financial crisis. This patience makes the scam incredibly dangerous, as victims often believe no scammer would invest that much time without a payout. The request usually comes in the form of an emergency—a medical issue, a legal problem, or a travel mishap—that requires immediate action. Regardless of when it happens, the shift from romance to finance is the defining moment of the fraud.
- Scammers avoid video chats and in-person meetings because these interactions would immediately expose their deception. They are almost never the person in the photos they sent you; those images are usually stolen from innocent people, models, or influencers. To avoid being caught, they will invent elaborate excuses for why their camera is broken, their internet connection is too weak, or their job (often military or oil rig work) prohibits video calls. If you push for a meeting, they may agree initially to keep you happy but will inevitably cancel at the last minute due to a sudden "emergency." This pattern of excuses is designed to maintain the fantasy while preventing you from verifying their true identity. If someone refuses to show their face in real-time, they are hiding who they really are.
- If you have already sent funds, the most important step is to stop sending money immediately, no matter what new crisis the scammer invents. Do not pay any "fees" or "taxes" to unlock your account or release a package, as these are simply additional layers of the scam. You should preserve all evidence of the fraud, including screenshots of conversations, profile links, email addresses, and transaction receipts. If you paid via bank wire or credit card, contact your financial institution right away to see if the transaction can be reversed or frozen. If you sent cryptocurrency, the funds are much harder to recover, but you should still save the wallet addresses and transaction hashes (TXIDs) for law enforcement. Finally, report the scam to the FBI’s IC3, the FTC, and the platform where you met the scammer to help prevent them from targeting others.
- Yes, military romance scams are one of the most common and effective forms of online fraud. Scammers pose as active-duty soldiers, peacekeepers, or contractors deployed in conflict zones like Syria, Afghanistan, or Ukraine to explain their long-term absence. The military persona commands instant respect and trust, while the "deployment" provides a built-in excuse for why they cannot meet, video chat, or access their own bank accounts. They will often claim they need money for "leave paperwork," food, medical care, or to ship a "box of valuables" home to you for safekeeping. These requests are all lies; the US military provides for the essential needs of its service members and does not require them to pay for leave or communication. If a "soldier" asks you for money to come home, you are talking to a criminal. <a href="/learn/the-truth-about-military-romance-scams" class="text-cyan-600 hover:text-cyan-700 underline font-medium">Read our full guide on military romance scams here.</a>
- Verifying a service member's identity online can be difficult, but there are clear signs that distinguish a real soldier from a scammer. A legitimate service member will almost never ask a stranger for money, especially not for basic needs like food, medical care, or travel. You should insist on a live video call; real deployed soldiers have internet access and can video chat, even if security rules limit *where* they can do it. Check their photos using a reverse image search tool like Google Images or TinEye to see if they belong to someone else or appear on scam warning sites. Ask for their official military email address, which should end in `.mil`, though be aware that many service members use personal email for private matters. Ultimately, the best verification is their behavior: if they get angry or defensive when you ask for proof, they are almost certainly a scammer.
- Reporting a romance scam is crucial for building a case against the perpetrators and potentially disrupting their operations. Start by reporting the scammer's profile directly to the dating app or social media platform where you met them, providing as much detail as possible about their behavior. Next, file a formal complaint with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at `ic3.gov` and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at `ReportFraud.ftc.gov`. When filing these reports, include every piece of identifying information you have: usernames, phone numbers, email addresses, crypto wallet addresses, and screenshots of the conversation. You should also notify your bank, credit card issuer, or the crypto exchange you used to send the money, as they may have fraud protection measures in place. While reporting may not guarantee the return of your funds, it creates an official record that can assist law enforcement investigations.
- Romance scammers rely on specific scripts and phrases designed to build intimacy quickly and manipulate your emotions. You will often hear declarations like "I have never felt this way about anyone before" or "destiny brought us together" very early in the conversation. They frequently use broken English mixed with overly formal or poetic language, calling you "my queen," "my king," or "dear" constantly. When the financial request comes, they will use phrases like "I promise to pay you back as soon as I get home" or "I have no one else to turn to." They may also try to guilt you with statements like "If you loved me, you would help me" or "Don't you trust me?" to override your skepticism. Recognizing these scripted lines can help you spot a scammer before you get too deeply involved.
- Recovering money from a romance scam is challenging, but it is not always impossible depending on how the funds were sent. If you paid by credit card or debit card, you may be able to file a chargeback or dispute the transaction with your issuer if you act quickly. Bank wire transfers are much harder to reverse once the funds have cleared, but notifying your bank immediately can sometimes freeze the transfer if caught in time. Cryptocurrency transactions are irreversible on the blockchain, making them the preferred method for scammers; recovery in these cases usually requires legal intervention and tracing rather than a simple bank reversal. Be extremely wary of "recovery agents" who contact you online promising to hack the scammer or retrieve your funds for a fee—these are almost always secondary scams. The only legitimate path to crypto recovery involves law enforcement and legal action, not hackers on social media.